One of the little perks of the job
The Monday morning ìheads of departmentî meeting had been a strained affair.
As the U.K. division of a Norwegian company we were seen as the forward line for their foray into England ñ but business had not been good. Falling sales and low staff morale had been followed by a number of redundancies.
It was rumoured that my ex-boss, Jack Peyton, had been ìencouragedî to take early retirement. Nobody knew for sure as he simply didnít come back to work one day. I had been promoted to take his place but we all suspected that none of our jobs were very secure.
As the meeting was drawing to a close, we were introduced to the new head of the division, Miss Elsa Svenson. She had been brought in from the companyís Norwegian head office to try and turn around the fortunes of the U.K. operation.
Stories of her amazing success in re-invigorating failing operations were legendary. It was rumoured that her methods were ìunconventionalî ñ but that was as much as anyone seemed to know about her.
After the introduction, Miss Svenson addressed the room ì I will be meeting† with all department heads in the course of the next week ñ please ensure that you are available for these meetings. A list of times will be emailed to you by my secretary, Anemarja , later todayî
My interview was not scheduled until 2.00 pm Wednesday, so I put it to the back of my mind until then.
When Wednesday arrived, I asked my colleague, Jeff, the head of acquisitions, about his impressions of the new boss.
He looked distinctly uncomfortable with the memory of his recent meeting with her and his answer was non-commital ì ErÖ.I think Iíll let you find out for yourself mateî
As I pressed him for further info, he just said, with an embarrased laugh† ìjust make sure you have a book stuffed down the back of your trousers before you go and see herî
I laughed at his joke and said…îYeah right ! bit strict is she?î
Jeff didnít answer ñ just looked like he wanted to be somewhere else.
After lunch I was very busy and I lost track of the time. I was concentrating on a new product launch when I suddenly realised that Miss Svenson was standing behind me looking over my shoulder at the figures I was working on.
I looked up and she smiled and said ìI believe we had a meeting at 2 Oíclock Kevin, itís nearly 2.30 now and I donít like to be kept waitingî
ìOh Iím sorry, I got tied up with work, could we possibly make it another time?î
ìYes, after work tonight then, my office at six-thirty sharp, please donít be lateî
I felt a bit uneasy at what was quite obviously an order and not a request, but I decided that confrontation was not the best course, especially given the current job situation.
ìErÖyes of course Miss Svenson, Iíll be there well on timeî
Miss Svenson smiled, nodded her head slightly and, I could hardly believe this but she said ìgood boyî to me. ìGood Boyî !?! I was outraged, how dare she patronise me like that !
At 6.15 I was waiting uneasily outside the new bossí office . I really couldnít afford to lose this job what with the wife and kids and all our current money troubles. So basically I knew that if she told me to jump I would say ìYes maíam, and how high would you like that to be?î
Miss Svensonís secretary, Anemarja, smiled at me as I sat fidgeting in my chair.
ìMiss Svenson will be with you soon, she is very keen to talk to youî
I tried to smile and said in a jokey way ìOne of my colleagues suggested that I put a book down the back of my trousers before seeing herî
Anemarja grinned and said† ìthatís not good advice, sheíll only make you take your trousers off, then she would find the book and youíd be in even more trouble wouldnít you?î
I blinked at that, but obviously she was just joining in the joke. However I felt even less at ease† ñ was this woman really that scary?
The intercom buzzed and after a few seconds Anemarja said ìyou can go in now Kevinî
I opened the door and walked into what had been Jack Peytonís office. But it had been changed (when ? He had been using this office right up till the Monday before last)
As I stood in front of Miss Svensonís desk I glanced around at the new dÈcorÖ.very Scandinavian. At least how I would imagine a Scandinavian decor having never been to any countries in that part of the world.
Quite a welcoming office actuallyÖ.
As I stood there, wondering if I would be invited to sit down. Miss Svenson continued reading the report in front of her.
With a start,†† I realised that it was the sales figures for the last quarter year. Judging by the grim set of her mouth and the shaking of her head I came to the conclusion that she wasnít impressed by the figures, not one little bit.
ìWell Kevin, Iíd like you to explain to me the reason for the appalling sales figures for this last quarter?î
I spluttered a bit and said ìwell the economy is notÖ..î
She raised her hand for me to be silentÖso I stopped talking.
ìThe economy is awful all over the world Kevin, but many of our offices are performing extremely well. So what other reasons can you give me for the drastic fall in sales over the last three months?. Especially given your departmentís excellent record before thatî
I didnít know what to say. So I just sat there mute and feeling rather nervous of what was coming next, I was pretty sure that it was going to be the sack.
ìPossibly you, as the head of department, need some new motivation?î
I decided that I had to defend myself, but even to me it sounded like I was whinging.
ìWell, there has been some problems with the new products andÖ..î
ìExcuses, excusesÖ..Kevin, letís not start off on the wrong foot hereî
ìI actually think you have the potential to be an excellent Sales leader in this company. But I think that perhaps you are lacking a firm hand guiding you and I am certain that I am just the person to provide thatî
She continued ìI have instigated some excellent techniques in our other offices, that have improved productivity and increased sales by 25% and often even more. I think that you will benefit greatly from themÖI suggest that we apply these methods to yourself right away, agreed?î
I wasnít sure if Miss Svenson actually wanted an answer or just my agreement, but as I had thought that I was about to be fired ñ I grabbed this lifeline with both hands.
ìThat sounds like a great idea bossî
ìExcellent, excellent ! î ñ she tapped the intercom ìAnemarja, we have another candidate for our short, sharp ‚shock motivational training programme, could you bring in the implements please?î
Short, sharp shock !?!, Implements ?!? , I didnít like the sound of any of that.
Anemarja, her face beaming with delight (at what?)† came into the office carrying a large black holdall.
She indicated a door on the right hand side of Miss Svensonís office and said ìPlease come into the administration room Kevinî
The ìadministrationî room was basically a very big cupboard in which my previous boss had kept all the stationery etc that he needed. He actually called it a ìstationery cupboardî Ö.far more appropriate name for a place you keep stationery I would have thought !
As I walked in I could see that there was no sign of any stationery. The room had been cleared out the only items now in there were what looked like a vaulting horse, right in the middle of the room, and a couple of chairs.
Anemarja placed the bag near to the wall on the right and proceeded to take out a number of items, the first looked like a table tennis bat, the second like a large belt and the third was undoubtedly a thick school-type cane. She placed these on and across the two chairs which were side by side against the wall.
As I looked, somewhat nervously, at these items, Anemarja came over to me and said ìKevin, you must take off all of your clothes and then position yourself over the spanking horse, Miss Svenson and I will be with you in a few momentsî
I suspected that Anemarja liked a joke so I nodded and said ìyeah right ! , I suppose your both going to whack me with the ìImplementsî
She smiled back and said ìThat is correct, now please prepare yourselfî
I realised that she wasnít joking and said ìyou canít be serious !î
I hadnít noticed Miss Svenson enter the room behind us, but she now spoke ìWe are being perfectly serious Kevin. Many studies, and our own experience, have shown that regular corporal punishment is one of the most effective ways to motivate people. It helps them to focus on their work and makes them feel valuedî
ìNo way!î I shouted, ìI want no part of thisî
ìVery well,thatís your choice,† Anemarja, please arrange for Kevinís P45 and final wages to be here for tomorrow lunch time ñ he will be leaving us at the end of the dayî
For the first time since I had met Anemarja she was without a smile, in fact, she looked crestfallen to hear this. She said ìBut Miss Svenson, he just needs a little persuasion, Iím sure I can talk him round to the ideaî
But Miss Svenson was adamant ìNo, I donít have time for this, we must press on with the changes and anymore obstacles will just slow us downî
Anemarja looked at me a little sheepishly and said ìO.K. Kevin, I will take you through to my office and start the dismissal proceduresî
I couldnít believe my ears, I looked at Miss Svenson† ìYouíre firing me?î
ìWhy yes of course, Kevin, my methods work and anyone who continues to work for me will be subject to these methods, no exceptions, isnít that right Anemarja?
ìYes, I have been working for Miss Svenson for 5 years and I have been motivated at least once a month since I began. It is one of the little perks of the jobî
I just stood, mouth gaping, not believing my ears. I mimicked Anemarja† ìLittle perks of the job?!, are you mad !î
Anemarja looked directly at me, beseechingly.
She said gently† ìLook Kevin , Miss Svenson does get amazing results with these methods, and you never know, you might actually like itÖ.do you know that there are hundreds of men and women in the world who pay others to discipline them in the same way that you could be getting for free? They see it as one of the great pleasures of their livesÖ.And Kevin, surely itís better than getting the sack?î
ìI wonít get sacked, Iíll have you both up in front of an industrial tribunal for thisî I spluttered ñ ìthis would be constructive dismissalî
To my utter disbelief, Miss Svenson laughed out loud.
ìAwÖKevin, and what would you tell them? That your strict boss sacked you because you wouldnít let her smack your bottom?ÖI mean, are you really going to stand up in a room full of people and say that? Who on earth would believe you? You would be laughed out of the room !î
She continuedÖîI would just tell them that sadly your work just wasnít up to scratch and I had to let you goÖbut that I will, of course, give you an excellent reference for your next jobî
I said ìbut the jobs market is terrible at the momentÖ.it could be months before I find something and even then I doubt if it would pay as well as this jobÖ.î
Miss Svenson shrugged her shoulders and said kindly ìI know, but maybe youíll get lucky KevinÖ.you never knowî
Silence descended on the room, both Miss Svenson and Anemarja looked at me with gentle kindness,† I was pretty sure that this wasnít the first time they had been in this position.† They knew that a man wouldnít submit to something so alien to him without at least putting up a struggle.
My mind was in overdrive. What if I lose this job, what will the wife say? How will I pay the mortgage? Surely itís worth playing their silly games just to stay in work. And how would I actually explain why I came to leave this job when I was being interviewed for another?
So against all my better instincts and judgement, I found myself saying †ìO.K. I donít seem to have a choice. Iíll give it a tryî
ìExcellent Kevin, get yourself ready now, and we will be back in a minuteî
So reluctantly I stripped everything off and draped myself over the spanking horse, it was cold leather, and it creaked whenever I moved.
After about 5 minutes the door opened and I heard them both come into the room.
ìAnemarjaÖyou know how I like my boys and girls preparedÖ.î Said Miss Svenson
ìOf course Miss Svenson, I will get him secured and nicely warmed up for youî
Anemarja said to me† ìgo far enough forward on the horse so that you are on tip toes Kevinî As I obeyed she proceeded to tie several leather straps attached to the horse around my waist, the tops of my legs and then finally around my ankles.
So I was effectively forced to stand on tip toes from then on.
I could feel that this was making my buttocks stretch and I guessed that this was why it had been done.
ìKevinî she said ìI am going to give you 40 slaps with the paddleî at which point she stepped forward and waved the table tennis bat in front of my face, except I could now see that it was actually made of leather and that† ìAnemarjaî had been burned onto the face of it.
She then took up a position behind me and rested her left hand on my back. I could only just see her feet and I noticed that she had taken her shoes offÖ..
Then the first slap hit my right buttock and I said ìOwî loudlyÖ..I heard a delighted laugh from Anemarja just before the next slap hit my left buttockÖ..and thatís how it went, right cheek , ìow!î left cheek, ìyowch!î right cheek, ìeek!î† left cheek, ìyikes!î it seemed to go on forever. And Anemarja was obviously enjoying every minute of it, as she giggled almost throughout the entire beating.
And as it went on I started to feel a lovely warmth flowing through me and gradually I realised that I didnít actually want it to stop.
But eventually it did stop, and after I had lain there quietly for a few seconds, Anemarja slapped me on the bum with her hand and laughed as she saidÖ.îHow you feeling Kevin? Still prefer to be sacked?î
And I didnít even have to think about my answer before it was out ìNo, actually it was wonderfulî
Anemarja laughed again and walked over to the far wall ñ she winked at me and smiled again as she leaned against the wallÖ
Now Miss Svenson took up a position behind meÖÖ
She said ìNow that Anemarja has warmed you up for me Kevin, we are going to raise the stakes a littleÖ.I am going to administer 15 strokes with the strap before we finish off with 6 nice hard strokes with the caneÖ.how does that sound to you eh?î
And I swear that it was out of my mouth without me even having to think about it, I said ìThat would be lovely MissÖ.î
I heard a grunt of laughter from Anemarja and I glanced up at her ñ but she was looking directly at Miss Svenson with a look that said ìheís oursÖwe got himî
But I didnít say a word, because I suddenly realised that I truly wanted to be there and I wanted to know what the strap and the cane would feel like.
As I was thinking all this the strap landed with a large ìthwackî right across both of my buttocksÖ.
I actually gasped for breath and said ìIím not sure about his Missî
Just as the second thwack landedÖÖI felt my eyes start to water and I still felt a bit breathless.
After 15, my backside was throbbingÖor burning, or, I donít know what really. But it was warm and as the warmth increased I started to feel really mellow and relaxed.
Miss Svenson said ìwe are going to give you a little rest now Kevin, please relax for a whileî
ìYes missî I murmered.
With that they left the roomÖ.and I just lay there feelingÖ..well brilliant if I am honest.
I must have lain there for about 2 minutes before they came back into the room.
ìKevin, both Amemarja and I are very impressed by how youíve taken your punishment so farÖ.but we both feel that maybe we should end it there though, especially as this is your first timeî
I spluttered ìOh no Miss, please, you said I would get the cane as well, I can take it, truly I canî I looked pleadingly back and forth between Anemarja and Miss Svenson.
She said ìIím not sure that youíre ready for the cane Kevin, itís a very powerful tool and you need to be broken to it gradually, your bottom is already looking extremely red , it may cut if I cane youî
ìI donít mind !î I shouted, ìI want to prove to you both that I can take itî
Miss Svenson said with a laugh in her voice ìBut if I cut you Kevin, wonít you take me to an industrial tribunal and say how I tortured you?î
ìNever Miss, I would never do that, Iíll sign anything you like, any disclaimerî
Silence descended upon the room as I was desperately waited for them to make their decisionÖ..
Miss Svenson seemed to make her mind up in an instantÖ.
She said to Anemajra† ìI think he needs thisî Anemarja nodded and Miss Svenson walked over to the chairsÖ.she picked up the caneÖ..she walked back behind meÖ.
The first stroke landed, and it stung and it took my breath away, and I wriggled and my eyes watered. Every stroke was just wonderful and the anticipation, and the fear, of the next stroke was even betterÖ..
And, far too soon it was over and I just lay there panting and feeling ÖincredibleÖ.
As I lay there both ladies left the room again.
In a few minutes Anemarja came back in and went once again to the holdall, from which she extracted a jar of something.
She smiled at me as she walked behind me and then I was stunned as she started to rub something cool and soothing onto my bottomÖ..îyou didnít cut Kevin, you did very well, but this will soothe the pain for youî
And as I was approaching what must have been something akin to ecstacy I murmured ìthank you Missî
And predictably, Anemarja just laughed.
I said to Miss Svenson as she came in ìWill I get this again same time next month boss?î
ìThat depends on the sales figures Kevinî
ìIf theyíre worse Iíll get a harder beating?î
ìOh no, if theyíre worse youíll get no beating at all Kevin. You see the punishment is not the beating. The punishment is that next time you come here with your monthly sales figures. If I donít see an improvement then you wonít be going over our little spanking horse here. But if there is an increase in sales figures ñ then we will give you a slightly harder beating next timeÖ.now wonít† that be nice?î
And they had meÖcompletelyÖI just spluttered ìYes Miss, I will make sure my figures are so much better next monthÖ.I promiseî
They both laughed. Anemarja unstrapped me from the horse and said ìWe will leave you to get dressed now Kevinî
As I got dressed I felt euphoric, like nothing I had ever experienced before. I wanted to be back in this room as soon as possible.
I left the office and walked past Miss Svensonís desk. She was sitting behind the desk studying some paperwork.
ìGoodnight bossî I said.
ìNight Kevin, and donít be late tomorrow, I deduct strokes for days late you knowî
ìI wonít bossî
ìGood boyî she saidÖand for some reason, now it didnít seem in the least bit patronising.
I walked out and past Anemarjaís deskÖ..she was also working on something.
I had to ask ìAnemarja, has Miss Svenson actually ever fired anyone who refused to try her motivational techniques?î
Anjemarja looked at me sadly and said ìOh yes, in fact your previous boss was seen by her a month before she took over his job.She offered him the same motivation as yourself but he refused and decided to accept early retirement insteadî
I was astounded ìJack Peyton you mean?î
ìYesî she said wistfully ìhe seemed like such a nice man, and that was very sad„„I mean I never got to spank himÖ and he had such a sweet little bottomÖ..î
I was gobsmacked ìEr Anemarja, he did lose his job !î
To her credit, Anemarja did look a little shamefaced ìWell, I mean of course thatís terrible ñ I didnít mean itís awful just because I didnít get to spank himî
She looked me straight in the eyes and said ì But I certainly hope to see you next month Kevin, work hard and Iíll be able to spank you again, and Miss Svenson says that I might get to cane you next time, now wonít that be lovely?î
ìCanít wait Missî I said.
She laughed again.
I said to her† ìyou really love it donít youÖ.I mean the spanking?î
ìOf course Kevin, itís just like I told you , itís one of the little perks of the jobî
ìAnd you know what Kevin? There are 290 staff members in the U.K. division, so I think that Iím going to need a new paddle before long, donít you?î
ìIíll get you one for your birthdayÖ..î
ìAwÖKevin, thatís very sweet of you, but Iím not sure that your wife would approve of you buying a spanking paddle for the strict lady in your office…do you?î
I just know that my face reddened up to match my behind at this remark, so I said ìbye then Anemarjaî and departed, swiftly.
And she was laughing loudly as I walked away.